Advice and Tips for Actors Helpful thoughts on acting from someone who wasn't the least successful actor of all time.

October 19, 2004

Commercial Braggart, Two Plays and Another Eitan Switch

Filed under: agents/managers,bookings,commercial,theater — Biographer @ 10:05 pm

The world has been enraptured by Eitan’s mug somewhere far in the background of the Hertz commercial for months now (yet still considered a principal actor since technically he’s recognizable (like anyone could mistake Eitan for anyone else (one more set of parentheses can’t hurt))). His sister was heard to comment, “A monkey could have done that job.” Still, Eitan refuses to give up his residual checks and excuse to brag to everyone he knows that he’s, “Currently in a national commercial.” This works especially well at bars.

Currently and for a very limited time Eitan is appearing in a showcase of two original one acts (at the posting of this bio entry there are only two shows left, go to for info) at the Odyssey Theater. The first is an insane murder mystery which makes so little sense it’s automatically hilarious. Exactly Eitan’s cup of tea. Eitan plays a member of the audience (a beer loving frat boy, to be exact) who’s called up on stage by the stand up comic introducing the show. The comic flips out and attacks Eitan who cries out like a little girl. The comic is murdered and everyone is a suspect. Somehow a cracker is also witness to this crime. Really, it’s insane. Since it involves the audience thinking the comedian is actually attacking Eitan the director would hate for you to have read that before the show, but the biographer cares not. Actually the biographer assumes no one’s going to read this far into the bio before they’ve seen the show. If the biographer’s wrong, he’s ready to duel with Matt to settle the score.

Then there are a few variety acts in the show. Since you’re here to read about Eitan, here’s what he does: In lieu of intermission Eitan leads the audience in chair aerobics but he does it as a psychotic type gym instructor. There are other variety acts but the biographer doesn’t go in for free advertising. If the other actors want to talk about their variety acts, let them do it on their own websites (or they could write the biographer a hefty check for a mention in this biography).

The second one-act was directed by Lesley Robin (see The Open Road at UCSB above to learn who she is). Lesley had talked to Eitan about possibly being in another one of her shows and he, of course, said he’d do it. In this play Eitan is a rather traditional father of two children and husband to a wife (go figure). With his children going off to college his wife is unhappy in her overly restrictive and boring role of “stay at home mom.” When Eitan’s character starts giving in to his wife’s wishes he sees his world cave in around him. It’s a meaningful discourse on traditional family values. Oh, and Eitan tap dances, that should have been mentioned earlier. Don’t worry, it’s a comedy. Eitan still delivers the funny as he’s totally insane (on and off stage).

On the way out of his house for the opening night of his showcase Eitan learned that Stella Archer had left Conan Carroll and Associates. Barbara Divisek has come in to take over the department. So at this moment Eitan has a new agent. Luckily, Pamela Newlands (who gets a shout out, and a plug for the following reason) gave Eitan a heads up so he wasn’t too shocked. Juiciy details won’t be posted here, but there will no doubt be another posting upon Eitan’s meeting with Barbara. That is all for now.

March 7, 2004

Bad Sketch Comedy, Bad Short Films (to be done soon) and Bad Commercial News

Filed under: bookings,commercial,film,theater — Biographer @ 10:07 pm

After shaving off all his hair and getting several facial tattoos/piercing Eitan had new headshots taken.  Ok, that’s a blatant lie.  It’s not the biographer’s fault Eitan is boring.  After discussing it with his “people” Eitan decided to get new photos.  So off he headed to Arizona to be photographed by Ed Sohn (glossing over SEVERAL details there).  Now the photos are online and will soon be in general circulation around the Los Angeles area (most likely they’ll be seen on the walls of the United States Post Office). 

Eitan’s last show went so well he decided to do another.  When his friend Amy Harber announced she was putting together a sketch comedy show at the Next Stage Theater up in Hollywood Eitan jumped at the opportunity to have his ego stroked further.  Eitan not only performed in several sketches but also got to premier two original works, “Meet the Parents” (original title, but Eitan’s unlikely to get sued) and “The Lord’s Deli.”  Both got a tremendous response from people (including but not limited to Eitan’s mother).  At the writing of this bio there is but one show left.

Speaking of hack writers… Sorry, the biographer meant to write, “Speaking of Eitan writing.”  Ok, take two.  Speaking of Eitan writing, he’s also in the process of putting together a short film called “Through the Front Door.”  It was written by Eitan, will be directed by Eitan and it will be starring Eitan.  Eitan loves Eitan. 

In sadder news (if that’s possible considering who’s site you’re reading) Eitan’s Hertz commercial is no more.  It’s been pulled from the airwaves after millions of complaints about “that cretin on the phone behind the talking guy.”  That’s not true.  But it was pulled.  Poor poor Eitan. 

February 27, 2004

It Hertz to be Eitan

Filed under: bookings,commercial — Biographer @ 10:04 pm

Eitan has learned a valuable lesson in the past few weeks.  Just a week after shooting the Barclays commercial Eitan has another audition, this time for a national Hertz commercial.  The audition:  Eitan is a customer who rented from a crappy car company and instead of providing an on-board navigation system, they provide a Sherpa.  Eitan manages to get called back and does the same thing at the callback.  A few days later Eitan gets a call from his agent telling him he is booked on that commercial.  So naturally Eitan goes around telling everyone to look for him in the car with the Sherpa.  A few days later Eitan shows up at the fitting and he’s being fit for a different commercial.  Now it seems Eitan is a customer waiting in line at another crappy car company that hands out stress balls to it’s customers rather than providing adequate customer service.  So for the next two days Eitan corrects himself, telling everyone he’s going to be a customer in line instead.  Eitan is fit in his “customer outfit” and shows up on set a few days later.  He is blocked in as a customer when someone notices the background guy they have working behind the desk will have to be upgraded if he stays there, so now Eitan is an employee at the crappy car rental place talking on the phone and pretty much ignoring a huge line of people in front of him.  He’ll be towards the back while the main guy is talking about his car company.  So again, Eitan was wrong.  The lesson learned:  Eitan shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people.

February 9, 2004

Eitan’s First Commercial, Barclays Bank

Filed under: bookings,commercial — Biographer @ 10:02 pm

Eitan has sold out.  Apparently little things like “money ,”a “SAG card” and his “career” are more important to Eitan than being an artiste!  Acting is supposed to be a pure endeavor, untainted by the commercialism of the world.  But Eitan seems not to care.  He gladly accepted and filmed a part in a commercial strutting his stuff on the small screen to promote Barclays Bank.  It should start running on business cable channels (MSNBC, CNBC and those other stations that Eitan doesn’t get) beginning around March 10th.  Eitan will be seen playing the part of a Wall Street suit. 

Here’s how it all goes down:  We see some financial people hard at work.  They’re all plugging away at whatever it is they do when closing credits start coming down the screen.  Yes, like at the end of a movie.  They all take note of this weird occurrence.  We then see other areas around the the New York financial community where people stop to watch these credits rolling.  Finally over the city we see the words “THE END.”  We see two business men on the street looking at these words as they disappear.  One of these men (using the term quite loosely, obviously) is Eitan.  Then either Eitan or Tracy (the other guy on the street) give some reaction to the incident.  No one has any idea which reaction they’ll use as they filmed about 20 different ones, everyone will just have to wait and see. 

The biographer has been asked to note that he also has “sold out” to write Eitan’s biography.  In light of this development, the biographer would like to offer kudos and his congratulations to Eitan on his part in this commercial.  Go Eitan!

April 7, 2003

A Fake Proposal in a Fake Commercial and a Real Play

Filed under: bookings,commercial,theater — Biographer @ 9:58 pm

The old saying, “No news is good news” doesn’t apply to acting careers.  The biographer is happy to announce Eitan’s latest career accomplishments.  The first is a rather plain and boring story as far as acting stories go.  Eitan had submitted his headshot and resume (although Eitan has a staff of people working on his website, he still insists on mailing his own headshots as he claims it keeps him humble) to a newly formed company called “Ashland Entertainment” for a speculative commercial.  They called him in and he auditioned.  He was called back and subsequently cast.  The plot of the commercial is as follows:  Eitan is a guy taking his girlfriend out to dinner, he is noticeably nervous.  They are sitting there drinking their wine when Eitan pulls out an engagement ring.  In order to kneel and propose he pushes out his chair but accidentally pushes it right into the waiter.  The waiter then spills spaghetti all over Eitan.  His girlfriend picks off a piece of spaghetti, gives him a kiss and obviously has just said yes.  It looks to be a very cute spot and it’s a pity that it will probably never get released.  All the equipment was very high end, so the commercial will hopefully come out with a very professional look.  It was done during an all night shoot from 11PM until 7:30 in the morning in an Italian restaurant in Pasadena.  Despite (or probably because of) staying up all night and spending about an hour of the shoot with cold spaghetti all over his head, on his knees and unable to move for fear of disrupting the pasta, Eitan had a great time.  He also had the production photographer take some photos with his disposable camera, so pictures will be posted eventually. [Biographers Note(2/9/04): The pictures will never be posted as Eitan stupidly lost the disposable camera in Santa Barbara.  Silly Eitan.]

The second story is a tiny bit less conventional.  In December Eitan had submitted a headshot for some play that was being done by the LA Jewish Theater.  They did not call him for that show.  A few months later Eitan saw a posting for another show that they were casting.  He decided not to mail another headshot, as he figured they had his first one and would call if they wanted him.  Eitan was shocked to discover he was actually right.  This story would not be so odd except that he was not called in for a regular audition.  Two actors had dropped out of the show several weeks into rehearsal.  Eitan was called in to possibly replace one of the actors.  He went in and did his monologue for the director before a rehearsal.  He was offered the part and started rehearsal started about one minute later.  Eitan would post the dates of the play, except he does not know them. All he knows is when he has his next rehearsal.  Fortunately (in some ways) it’s not a large part, so Eitan will have little trouble learning the blocking and lines. 

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